Zeal For Truth

In her book Get Married: What Women Can Do To Help It Happen, Candice Watters speaks to single Christian women who are past college age, want to be married, but aren’t. (I expect that hardly anyone reading this review fits in that category, so you may want to quit reading here and go check ESPN.com for the latest basketball scores instead.)

In her discussion of what Christian marriage today is like she makes these observations:

• Most Christians are meant to marry (that is, God’s call to a life of celibacy is rare).
• God is the one who invented marriage, not some frustrated young woman in a church singles’ group.
• Marriage is not just the private business of the couple, it involves the entire community.

She urges single women to examine their attitudes:

• Men might be jerks, but remember you’re fallen, too.
• Don’t assume marriage is not worth the trouble because your parents divorced.
• Don’t be embarrassed because you want to marry, and don’t hesitate to publicly say that you want to marry (that is, don’t give in to the common pressure to act like you’re perfectly happy single, if you really aren’t, and avoid the idea that mentioning marriage will scare a guy off.)
• Don’t overdo the independence.
• Don’t let a past broken heart stop you from trying again.

To the single woman who wants to marry, Watters sprinkles these bits of practical advice throughout her book:

• Live a godly life, devoted to loving and obeying God.
• Stay out of debt.
• Watch your attitude about men so it doesn’t become too critical.
• Openly express your beliefs about marriage.
• Be a good steward of everything you own—your body, time, money, attitude.
• Stay far away from premarital sex—it isn’t going to help you marry well.
• Don’t procrastinate, assuming that it is as good to marry at 32 as it would be at 22.
• Don’t aim so high—not every one marries their “soul mate.”
• Develop a multi-generational network of people who may be able to introduce you to potential gentlemen.
• Include your parents in your network, and ask them to pray with you about finding a husband.
• There may come a point in a relationship when you have to force the issue—don’t let a guy hang around too long without stating his intentions.
• Don’t stay in a going-nowhere relationship, even if it means being alone for a while.
• Pray boldly. Don’t pray like you’re apologizing for wanting the good thing God created.

When you find a guy you might be interested in, treat him this way:

• Ask him about the dreams he has for his life.
• If you honestly can, communicate to him that you believe in him.
• Don’t expect 100% maturity in a 25 year old man. Instead, look for aptitude and an attitude that is willing to grow in maturity.
• Instead of asking, “Is he worth the risk?” ask, “Will we be able to serve God better together or apart?”

Picky, Picky

Probably the part of this book that I found most interesting was Watters’s discussion of “soul mates.” She points out that today’s young woman is often admired as someone who is highly educated, has a high paying job, drives a safe car, and lives in a safe place. As such, she doesn’t need a man in the way a woman of yesteryear needed one—she doesn’t need protection, she doesn’t need provision, she doesn’t need status. Really, all the independent Christian woman really needs is a best friend to meet her deep emotional longings. (Oh, and she needs sex, too.) And so, she looks for a hott man to marry who could meet all her emotional needs, who knows those needs without her having to tell him, and who makes her feel good. Because she can take care of all her other needs herself, she’s looking to find a husband whose main purpose is an emotional one—and I say, good luck with that! If you get a chance to read only part of the book, I’d say the 6-page subsection of chapter 8, “Aiming Too High,” is probably the best part of the book.