Zeal For Truth

Today, my attention was drawn to an article detailing the ramifications of divorce and children caring for aging parents. In her article, The New Alone, Eliabeth Marquardt begins to confront the way the problem of divorce manifests itself for both children and adults. Too often today, divorce is touted as a better alternative for all parties involved than a bad marriage. Interestingly, the option of divorce remains a dilemma. Is it really better?

As a child of divorced parents, I’m just as tired as the next person of hearing doom and gloom statistics about the consequences of divorce. No person is simply a statistic waiting to fall into catastrophe based on the past. In fact, statistics indicate that half of all marriages end in divorce and the chances for divorce increase based on the length of time married, among other factors. Coming from a divorced family does not necessarily doom anyone to future failure. Thankfully, we all have free will and can make our own choices.

However, the past does affect the way a person makes choices and what a person learns. As such, it is important to understand the way that divorce affects both children and participating adults. Divorce is much more than the separation of a husband and wife, it is a great division of the family unit for parents and children. Often when parents divorce both parents turn to looking after themselves and their child/children. It’s not uncomment to see articles that share good information on helping children and parents handle divorce. These types of articles do a great job of discussing depression and psychiatry, yet they fail to address the change in world view that occurs when parents divorce.

Divorce is defined as the dissolving of a marriage agreement which united and created a new family unit. When the members of a family are involved in a divorce the unity of the family (no matter how dysfunctional) is broken. The adults learn to be independent from one another, and children learn to be independent of the family. A child whose parents divorce no longer hold a familial world view. Instead they learn to look out for themselves as they dodge the battles between warring parents, remarrying parents, and newly broken or blended families. Independence in and of itself is not bad, in fact at times it can be quite healthy and helpful. However, it appears that independence from the family unit and from the benefits of familial interdependence at a young age can be harmful for all parties involved, especially children. Whether anyone wants to admit it or not, divorce of the family unit and it’s consequences are not repaired or replaced over time.