This is part of an eight part series on the importance of fellowship. Read the other parts here:
Part 8: Unconditional Love
Part 7: Honesty
Part 6: Fighting Superficiality
Part 5: Sanctification
Part 4: Why You Need It (Yes You)
Part 3: Dealing With A Dead or Dying Church
Part 2: Accountability
Part 1: Introduction
On the opposite side of the spectrum from those who desperately want fellowship but are struggling to get it going, there are also those of us who, for one reason or another, aren’t interested in it whatsoever.
Some of this goes back to what I said in part I, namely that we think because God has a personal, individual relationship with us, that His use of other people to speak to us will be severely limited, or is perhaps some kind of “lesser” intervention than direct revelation of some kind. But I suspect that much of it also is a desire to avoid the consequences of fellowship - change, humility, challenge and accountability among other things.
Risks and Rewards?
For others, we simply don’t like the risk that is opened up with fellowship. Giving someone a challenge means that they might not take it well, and may not like you anymore. We can see the whole world exploding from one single, “I noticed that you tend to call other drivers idiots and make unkind gestures to them regularly.” In response to this observation, we see our friends standing over us, turning bright red and screaming at us - “HOW DARE YOU!” Soon, it gets out and everyone then thinks we’re a self-righteous jerk for saying this. By the time it gets around the church you swore at them, told them off for an hour and punched them in the face. You are excommunicated by the pope himself and when you all go to heaven no one likes you and you sit around your golden mansion all day, alone and miserable while everyone else glories God among the nations.
Maybe that’s not your nightmare, but I would be lying if I told you that I didn’t get tremendously worried and fearful when offering challenge to someone. I’ve botched up some challenges in my life and done everything from making close friends mad for a few days to infuriating leaders and half their family for months. Sometimes it happens because you say and do dumb things when you offer a challenge (by “dumb” I mean “sinful” - there is no nice way to say it), but often it happens because (big surprise) people are proud and don’t like to be challenged.
It is possibly the case that the larger your fear of challenging others, the more problem you yourself may have with the gentle correction of others. I know that I imagine people getting upset with me because I myself don’t really like to be challenged. And while I might not yell at them or threaten them, some part of me is often thinking - “How dare they say this to me! And by what right?”
Look to Your Own Heart
A church leader and friend of mine has an excellent saying that he repeats at times (it may not even be his point originally). He says that when we find ourselves offended or angry at the criticisms or rebukes of others, we need to ask ourselves what kind of idol within us is being challenged. It’s one thing to acknowledge that someone has brought an inaccurate criticism, or that they have brought an accurate criticism inappropriately or with sin themselves. But if you find yourself responding in bitterness or feeling “wounded” by a legitimate point, then you need to ask yourself what kind of idol is being attacked.
For myself, I know that if I am having trouble dealing with a gentle correction from a friend or mentor, its usually for any number of reasons:
- My sense of my own righteousness has been challenged: I think I am generally moral person and shouldn’t have to put up with someone correcting me.
- My vanity or image has been challenged: I want to appear moral or knowledgeable because I feel it gives me status or makes me worthy of respect.
- My discomfort with rejection: I want others to like me and to think well of me.
I’m sure there are others, but these are some things that I have to watch out for. You might recognize these in yourself as well.
The point is that a negative reaction to critique - even if justified - probably still carries with it some sin on your part. Indwelling sin tells us this - that we are all sinners in need of a saviour. We have to look to our own sin first and look for truth in the rebukes of others.
Continue reading ‘The Importance of Fellowship: Why You Need it (Yes, You)’
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