This will be the final article in this series on the importance of fellowship. It also serves as a summary of the nature and motivation of fellowship. Read the other parts here:
Part 8: Unconditional Love
Part 7: Honesty
Part 6: Fighting Superficiality
Part 5: Sanctification
Part 4: Why You Need It (Yes You)
Part 3: Dealing With A Dead or Dying Church
Part 2: Accountability
Part 1: Introduction
Unconditional Love
I need not list here the incredible plethora of biblical passages dealing with the primacy and importance of love. But I want to talk a little bit about biblical love in fellowship versus other kinds of “love” between people which often gets erroneously classified with biblical love.
Briefly, in order to quickly define biblical love, we need only look at the gospel. God loved us so much, despite our deliberate and aggressive rebellion against him, that he chose to provide his own son for our salvation. The key for this topic of love is this - that we were at enmity with God when he saved us. We didn’t become righteous enough and then God forgave us. We did not make the first move, God did (1 John 4:19).
This is unconditional love. If the gospel were conditional, we would all blow it (again, and again, and again). Fortunately, God has made a unilateral contract with us that we cannot break. The very nature of this contract is one-sided - if God has chosen to save us, then we cannot thwart God. There is nothing we can do to nullify the contract, and we had no requirement to first initiate the contract. The only thing God pounced on was our need for forgiveness.
Contractual “Love”
In human society, and also in some biblical cases, there is also contractual love. This is most simply defined as an “if/then” kind of love. If party A does X, then party B will do Y. If my friend John will listen to me complain about my job, then I will buy John’s beers tonight.
Sometimes unconditional love is confused with contractual love. For example, Christians might acknowledge that God has provided salvation by his grace, but then also believe that we can “lose” our salvation or otherwise nullify it by our actions. Somewhere in their mind, a unilateral contract has been turned into an if/then contract. It should be noted that, ironically, I have never seen someone make this statement about themselves - it is always made about someone else: a friend, a neighbour, even a celebrity. In other words, it is a shift that conveniently allows one to claim they prefer grace, whilst allowing them to simultaneously practice god-like judgement.
It is also a way to make sense of grace - which is a difficult concept to grapple with - especially with our eye-for-an-eye sense of justice. Unmerited favour is tough to get one’s head around. Sometimes importing more understandable concepts can help us get our bearings. Unfortunately, it can also be heresy.
The Love in Fellowship
As you may have guessed, fellowship requires unconditional love, not contractual love. We are to love other believers in the same way that God has loved us. We are to forgive other believers in the same way God has forgiven us. Between Christians, we are not to have if/then love.
I was listening to a teaching online where a pastor was going through Luke 17. This pastor used verse four to justify not forgiving other believers. Here’s the passage (Luke12:3-4):
3 Take heed to yourselves. If your brother sins against you, rebuke him; and if he repents, forgive him. 4 And if he sins against you seven times in a day, and seven times in a day returns to you, saying, ‘I repent,’ you shall forgive him.”
This pastor took the passage to mean that if believers do not repent of their sin, we don’t have to forgive them. I thank God that he doesn’t have the same philosophy as this pastor!
Jesus forgave those murdering him, despite their lack of repentance. Whilst Stephen was being stoned to death by men full of anger and hatred, he cried out that God would forgive them. The fact is that all God requires of us is our sin. Repentance is our acknowledgement of that sin - “to say the same thing” in the Greek. Repentance is simply realising that we have sinned.
But even still, the Luke 17 passage is not saying if/then in the contractual sense. The “if” in Luke 17 is used the same way we would use “if” in order to tell a hypothetical story or share an anecdote. It is like saying, “If a man walks into a cafe and pays $2, you should give him a coffee.” The “if” denotes that we are dealing with a hypothetical scenario. For Jesus to have meant “if” as an exclusive conditional, then he would have said “only if he repents, forgive him.”But Christ was sharing a scenario reminding us to forgive, not making excuses for petty keeping of grudges (which God himself doesn’t follow).
Consider marriage. A marriage is made up of two sets of unilateral contracts. The vows do not go, “if you bear with me in sickness and in health, I will will bear with you until death do us part.” Rather, the husband and wife issue vows to one another unilaterally. My loving my wife is not conditional on her submission to me. My wife’s submission to me is not conditional on me loving her. I am to forgive my wife whenever she wrongs me regardless of whether she’s sorry or repents because I have made a vow that I will.
Fellowship And Individualism
Individualism actually plays a critical role in fellowship then. Because our fellowship-love is unilateral and unconditional, then conflicts, problems and barriers to fellowship always start with one’s self. We have to ask ourselves what we can change, repent of or do in order to break down barriers to fellowship. It is not our place to begin judging and condemning others first.
If I am angry at my wife, then rather than deal with her problems and sins against me, I am to first deal with my own sin. And, I need to forgive. The process of looking at our own hearts should reveal our own sin-nature, reminding us of the gospel. This should then remind us to forgive others who have wronged us - because Christ forgave us when we have wronged him so much greater.
Individual responsibility is critical here. Forgiveness is all about my attitudes and my sin - it has nothing to do with the actions, motives, statements or personality of others. The repentance of others does not enable me to forgive - it makes it easier - no question, but repentance is not a barrier to forgiveness.
The calling of Christ, and the burden of unconditional love, is to forgive even when it is most difficult - where others are outright at enmity with us. God has forgiven us, despite the gravity of our sin.

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