And that is why older singles don’t particularly join these groups or identify themselves as single–they don’t necessarily have any intention of marrying or marrying again before they die.

Churches have a variety of names for these groups–Singles, Career, College and Career, Single Again. Some people think it is stupid to categorize people this way, and maybe it is, but if you are looking for someone to marry, these labels might make sense.

I don’t blame churches for having singles groups, because, as the author noted, many young people quit coming the church once they leave their parents’ nest and don’t return until they have their own kids and wake up to the realization that their kids need some religious training.

“I do think some group meetings are good, but many churches need to do a better job of integrating singles in to the life of the church as a whole.”

Over a year ago our medium-sized church decided to do away with the affinity-based groupings during the Sunday School hour (based on age or place in life) and go instead to geographically-based intergenerational groups. After more than a year, I’d say it has been a mixed success. And it was the singles who complained about it the most. I think they missed having their own group for social reasons, if not for religious training reasons.

He does get into developing spiritual life a little. He goes over the “six dimensions of life” - spiritual, social, mental, physical, relational, and emotional - and how different types of singles ministries can help meet these needs.

Franck also has a list of things that people need other than the directly spiritual ones and points out which ones that some singles demographics need teaching on from their viewpoint. Things like: dating, accepting singleness, divorce recovery, loneliness, adjusting to widowhood, etc. He doesn’t actually teach on these in the book, he just points out that singles need instruction on these things.

But why do people leave after graduation and don’t come back until they’re married and have kids? Alot of it is probably cultural tradition, and maybe they just want a break from church, but we need to see if one reason is because churches sometimes don’t know quite what to do with them or somehow make singles feel like they don’t fit in.

In my experience that’s pretty true. When I moved about a year ago I spent a few months looking for a new church. At one church I went to, I was the only person who showed up to the singles Sunday School class. It was just me and the two leaders, both of whom were older married men. I found that discomforting. It wasn’t just one time; I went to Sunday School more than once and it was always just me. (They assured me those Sundays were atypical. Their assurances didn’t help much.)

I liked a lot of other things about the church, particularly their zeal for missions. But I couldn’t shake the feeling that they were doing something wrong. Why couldn’t they get even one young single person to attend Sunday School regularly? And if they couldn’t get enough for a real Sunday School class, why didn’t they at least direct me to another class where I could meet some people in the church?

Turning the tables a bit, I’ve examined myself and realized that I didn’t know how to be involved in church as an adult. Nobody ever taught me, and I never realized I needed to be taught. I didn’t know that I lacked that knowledge. Once I made that breakthrough in understanding, I was able to do some studying and thinking, and I’m making progress. It isn’t just that the church doesn’t welcome singles, it’s partly because I didn’t know how to plug myself into the church. I blame my lack of knowledge mostly on my experience in boarding school in high school. All the dorm kids went to “Dorm Church” which was basically a Sunday morning sermon and nothing else. It wasn’t a real church.

Not to be too simplistic here, but one reason is just sleeping patterns (or laziness). More specifically, they don’t like to get up early and go to church if they don’t “have” to. Then it gets to be a habit.

Some churches combat this tendency by having a Saturday night or Sunday night service that is more geared toward singles and less toward families. Families with kids like to stick to the traditional schedule of getting up when it is morning and going to bed when it is night.

As for singles being welcomed into church activities, Jew, I understand what you are saying and think it is great if you have personally found a way as a single to plug into your church. You are likely not the only one who has had trouble making the transition into the full life of the church as a single. I hope your effort and persistence pay off with a rewarding involvement.

At our particular church, I know the teenagers are encouraged to once a month work in the nursery or in children’s church, etc. which I think would make them aware of ways to get involved once they are adults.

Another example. Our church recently had a women’s retreat. I normally think of these events as for married women, but it wasn’t–it was for women of all ages, married or not. In fact, there were a number of mother-daughter pairs there.

In our church there is a fair amount of participation by the singles in the life of the church, although there really are no singles in positions of leadership. And I think I’ve noticed that the younger singles (like those just barely out of college) are the ones who are involved the least. I guess it does take a time of transition from being a child into being an adult, even at church.