Lurking, in simplest terms, it is the act of observing while trying not to be observed. (If you want a more complicated definition, with examples, check here.) If you’ve heard someone say, “I wish I could be a fly on the wall…,” they might be a lurker.
Can we learn more about human behavior if we analyze why people lurk? Here is a list I’ve come up with so far as to why people might lurk instead of joining in:
- Curiosity. Some people are interested in how other people live.
- Addiction. Some people can’t help themselves.
- Academics. You know, doing a scientific study for a master’s thesis on internet behavior. It could happen.
- Vicarious thrills. Some people have no life of their own, so they live the lives of others.
- Selfishness. Some people want to know but not be known. Knowledge is power, after all. The word “vulnerable” is not in their vocabulary.
- Fear. These are the people that really would like to join in the conversation but hesitate because they are afraid for various reasons: being made fun of, being rejected, real identity being discovered, etc.
Sometimes I look at random forums or blogs, but if the subject matter is too puerile or prurient, I don’t join in. Other times I find great forums or blogs, but there aren’t enough hours in the day to read them all, let alone participate.
There is one problem lurking can create. It can create an awkward situation of knowing something about someone that you “aren’t supposed” to know. I’ve had the experience of a friend telling me blah, blah, blah about her son, but I already knew all about it from reading his blog. I just nodded as seemed appropriate, but I felt somewhat guilty for not telling her I already knew the situation.
This reminds me of an email I got some time ago from a sweet girl, admitting to me that she had found my blog and asking my permission to read it. I told her, “The internet is an open place and you don’t have to ask anybody’s permission.” I had a ready answer because I was repeating what I had been told when I had admitted a similar thing to another person.
If there are lurkers reading this post, please, take no offense. If you want to lurk but not participate, that is up to you, though we will be the poorer. On the other hand, we’d be happy for you to speak up.
“I’ve had the experience of a friend telling me blah, blah, blah about her son, but I already knew all about it from reading his blog. I just nodded as seemed appropriate, but I felt somewhat guilty for not telling her I already knew the situation.”
That happens to me a lot, and it’s not just because of blogs. Sometimes I hear the same story from another person. I don’t mind listening to it twice. Often the process of talking to someone is more important than the actual transmission of new information.
I lurk. Here and elsewhere. I lurk partly because I don’t have time to come up with witty responses to everything I find stimulating. And partly because I’m an extremely internal processor, and by the time I’ve formulated what I’d like to say, the rest of the world has moved on. That and grad school runs my life.
Okay, I’ll be brave and participate for the sake of suggesting another category and two sub-categories:
Introverted Sociability. Some people enjoy meeting and talking with new people - especially in a good context, such as friends of friends - but don’t have the nerve to invite themselves in.
Curiosity — Intellectual. Some people are also interested in how other people think.
Fear — Politeness. These are the people that… hesitate for fear of being impolite or forward (as mentioned above).
Oh yes, and one I narrowly avoided proving by hastily clicking the “X the window” button:
Fear — MisClicks. … for fear of hitting out of habit particular keys (i.e. Tab) that suddenly prove to have webpage functions very different from their normal editing functions.
All right, that already seems like an overcontribution.
The same person who told me “the internet is an open place” also told me you have to have a pretty thick skin to survive on the internet. Unfortunately, I think that is true in many forums–common courtesy doesn’t seem all that common. It seems like the rule is if you have something nice to say, keep it to yourself. If you have something provocative, argumentative, one-up, or otherwise negative, you’ll fit right in! Why is that??
And not to be sexist or anything, but my observation is young males are more likely to participate in forums than any other demographic. Why is that??
BTW, Sharon and emptytiffin, welcome and thanks for your comments!
I agree with the comment about not enough time in the day to comment on all the things I read. It takes me a long while to get a well organized and thought out response together (it’s so permanently there if what I say is not what I was trying to say…..)
Also, what I have to say often seems a little lame or “out of it” in the bigger conversation. I see things from a different (non-norm) perspective a lot of time, but don’t think I communicate that perspective well in a way that makes sense. And I hate being misunderstood, so sometimes fear of that keeps me from responding.
Another reason is I just can’t say what I think and feel succinctly.
Finally, it’s a cycle–if people aren’t responding, but then I do, and there is no subsequent response or ongoing dialogue, it is hard for me. For some reason the lack of a response is harder in a dialogue on another person’s blog than on my own. On my own, I figure hardly anybody’s reading it anyway. And on there, I write to think things out for myself. I’d love dialog there, but don’t expect it. When I comment on someone else’s blog, I guess I do hope for ongoing dialogue.
eclexia, thanks for stopping by. (Interesting screen name–what does it mean?) The nice thing about blog and forum dialogue is that, if the software is smart enough, you can take all the time you want to respond and it still gets noticed. Like here, the most recently commented upon post gets bumped to the top of the list. But if the software doesn’t keep track of the comments like that, it is pretty likely that folks won’t go back and look at old posts to see if anyone has commented.
Thainamu,
Eclexia comes from the fact that if I had to describe myself in one word, I’d probably choose “eclectic”. I just made up the form “eclexia”. In theory, on my blog, I’ll talk about a wide variety of topics. Right now, since I’ve started blogging, it’s been heavy on the topic of lamenting, because that fits with what I’m walking through.
When you start talking about the software being smart enough to order the comments correctly, you’re way beyond me. I’m lucky I figured out how to start a blog on wordpress. Anything beyond the basics I figure out little by little, usually by accident.
One other thing about commenting. Sometimes the general topic is a big, complicated issue that a person might not really know all about or all the implications. Even in a case like that, it is OK to pick out a smaller subtopic and comment about just that item, as long as it isn’t too far off topic and you make it clear what exactly you are commenting on.